Fuggly Boots and a Bottle o’ Rum

Quick questions: Anyone still bothering to watch football? I’m so discouraged with this season, I’ve cancelled my Seattle Seahawks Jockstrap Flip-Up Advent Calendar order. I’ll just have to wallow in curiosity, and smooth my ruffled hawk feathers by walking my dog in my new Ugg boots*. What’s the point of having children if we can’t humiliate them with bad fashion trends, right? (Limit your answers to “Yes,” or “No, and what is wrong with you?”)

Now for the real reason we’re here: fruitcake. Dark fruitcake, to be exact. It’s notoriously hard to photograph, but I think I may have done it some justice by adding an empty bottle of rum and being ripped on Ambien when I set up the shots. I purchased said bottle o’ five years ago**, and will have to–ulp–brave the local methy liquor store before I can make my Great Aunt Mary’s*** famous rum balls. Life is a constant struggle.

If you’re the kind of person who likes to read recipes, I follow the dictates of page 75 of the 1968 edition of Better Homes & Gardens “New” Cook Book; adding prunes or dates instead of raisins and swapping out the canned OJ for some seedless jam, fresh juice or a dry gin martini, and pretending I’m in the spectacularly modern feature kitchen.


*Yes, Sam-dog will be wearing the Ugg boots.

**The rum, not the Ambien. Apparently I’m a bit too ambiguous since being dropped on my head at the tender age of 43.

***The one on my mom’s side, not my dad’s side. If you’d been paying attention to this blog AT ALL, you’d know I had two.


4 thoughts on “Fuggly Boots and a Bottle o’ Rum

  1. Wendina Darling!

    I must say that your fruitcake looks like the first one I’d ever actually think of taking a bite of without cringing! So you must have done something right no matter what era cook book and what kind of substitutions you are using.

    The real question, which I hadn’t thought of until reading this blog is, do you really have kids?

    • I’m glad it looks appetizing, even to a fruitcake virgin. The citron throws people off. My dad and I have always been into strange, bitter flavors, but it can certainly be left out when making your own goodies.

      No actual kids. Just the high maintenance dog and the ailing cat. You? I’m stalking your Facebook but finding no evidence of any.

  2. I think a hot buttered rum recipe is in order. Nothing better than a shuffle through the spice rack, boiling water, butter and RUM wihile warming up after a walk ouside. Or Grog, as it s known in these parts, with less butter and some fresh lemon

    • My father just so happens to make the best hot buttered rum batter on the planet. I’ve been known to take a spoon to it. Somewhere in the back of my mind is an Irish Cream recipe, too. Num.

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